Hello friends!
It’s time for The Women Tell All, and I hope you’re fully stocked with snacks, fizzy beverages, and an emotional-support animal, because it’s off the rails. (If you make it to the end, you’ll be rewarded with a bloopers clip, promise.)
When host Jesse Palmer comes out on stage, the production crew has some fun with his resemblance to Clayton. The caption under his name says “Not Clayton Echard.” That, sadly, is where the fun ends.
Jesse says the evening will be “very revealing and very explosive,” and he has no idea how right he is.
He mentions Shanae’s name, and the audience immediately boos.
He rolls video of some conflict from the show: Claire hating Clayton, Cassidy bailing on the birthday party to smooch Clayton, and a whole lot of bad behavior from Shanae.
Watching the women react to some of the things Shanae told the producers is worth the price of admission, especially when she says, “I’m not sorry, hos!”
The Yelling Begins
The women have been waiting for this opportunity to vent, and the video footage was like pouring water on a grease fire.
The hostilities kick off with someone asking: “Shanae, did somebody lock you in a closet when you were a little kid?”
Then Jill calls Shanae a “budget-ass Meryl Streep.” Hey, leave Meryl out of this! Also, that’s pretty salty talk for an architectural historian. Just sayin’.
Sierra invites Shanae to “call me a b**ch to my face,” and the stage erupts.
Jesse steps in to restore order, at least briefly.
We get a solid 30 minutes or so of insults and women talking over each other before things settle down. Here are a few of the highlights (or lowlights, actually).
Cassidy calls her statement “Game on, b**ches,” a “term of endearment.”
Kate says the worst thing Cassidy did was coach Shanae and turn her into Frankenstein, and the women tell Shanae exactly how they feel.
Open Season on Shanae
Lyndsey W: “F*** you, Shanae. You can go rot in Ohio, for all I care.”
Hunter: “You are one of the most disgusting human beings I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
Sierra: “You’re a hypocrite, Shanae. You are a narcissistic, gaslighting beyotch, that’s what you are.”
Jesse brings up the time Shanae apologized to the women, and asks why she did that. “I did it for Clayton.”
A chorus of women call out Shanae for being fake, and giving an apology that was insincere.
Shanae is definitely not sorry.
Sierra: “Do you think anybody wants to watch that and marry you?”
Shanae: “I think so.”
Genevieve: “That’s why you’re single for 5 years—because you’re delusional!”
Jesse invites Genevieve to sit in the hot seat with Shanae.
Shanae claims she was distraught after being eliminated, but that Genevieve wasn’t, and was intimate with Aaron Clancy from Katie’s season. Not only does Genevieve deny the allegation, she claims Aaron sent her a screenshot of Shanae sliding into his DMs.
Sarah in the Hot Seat
Sarah’s time in the hot seat is anticlimactic. She claims it was never her intention to hurt anyone, but the women are unconvinced.
Moving on!
Teddi in the Hot Seat
We see video of Teddi’s time with Clayton, and how she thought it would go: “It’s gonna end with a ring on my finger.”
She talks about the difficulty of watching her parents struggle with their marriage. “As a kid, I think you take on a lot of that and feel like it’s your fault, so I always tried to be perfect.”
She got straight As and played the sports her father liked. “I thought that would make me worthy of love.” That spilled over into her personal life, where she found herself in toxic relationships.
On The Bachelor, she found herself in a similar dynamic, trying to gain Clayton’s attention and affection.
Jesse asks how her life has changed.
“I just feel so open and ready for love now.”
Teddi for Bachelorette?
She has one more thing to reveal: One of Clayton’s brothers slid into her DMs, but she didn’t reply. “I think one Echard boy in my lifetime was enough for me.”
Clayton initially denied this happened, but then recanted. (Perhaps it took a while for one of his brothers to ‘fess up?)
Serene in the Hot Seat
Okay, Serene didn’t actually say she dodged a bullet, but I think she should have.
She felt like she gave Clayton everything, and it still wasn’t enough.
She talks about losing her cousin, and all the things her cousin will never get to experience. “I want to make sure that I’m living my life to the fullest, because that’s what she would want me to do.”
Jesse asks where she’s at now. “I’m really excited for the future, and like, hopeful that [my] person is still out there.”
Serene for Bachelorette?
Clayton in the Hot Seat
Jesse predicted earlier, “Things might get a little tense.” That’s an understatement, Jesse.
Clayton says the hardest part of being the bachelor is watching it back. “I was far from perfect and I made a lot of mistakes.”
Any regrets? “I wish I would have done things differently. But as far as it comes to regret, I did everything in those moments that I thought was best.”
He continues, “I can’t really say I regret anything, because I had all the best intentions with all of my actions that I took. Unfortunately, there were repercussions for those actions.”
Sierra wants to know why he didn’t believe all the women who spoke out against Shanae.
He says it’s a fair question. “I was wanting tangible evidence.”
Sierra: “But what’s more tangible than the entire house?”
Lyndsey W. wishes he would just admit he had a better connection with Shanae. “It’s like, sit there and own it, like a man. ‘Cause nobody forced you to like, force her on a table and make out with her.”
He admits he had a connection with Shanae. He thought it was real, but her throwing the trophy into the pond after the Bachelor Bowl was “indefensible.”
This does not go over well.
Jill points out that he still kept Shanae on after that incident, and sent other women home. “That was a slap in the face.”
Sierra: “That’s disrespectful, ‘cause I had your back. I was looking out for you. And I was like, I don’t want him to make a stupid-ass decision, you know? You did that on your own.”
She takes direct aim: “I think you’re confusing love and lust.”
She continues, “I think that you need to figure those two out, and really realize, like, what it takes to be a married man, and I don’t think you’re there yet.”
Jesse asks Clayton, “What do you have to say to Shanae now?”
Clayton tells Shanae that he believed her, and thought they had a genuine connection. “But as I watched it back and to see you fake tears, to see you be playing this game…you manipulated the women, you manipulated me.”
Shanae refuses to admit any wrongdoing. “Again, there was a lot of other things that you didn’t see. You asked for openness, vulnerability, honesty. I gave you all of that, Clayton.”
Shanae for Gaslighter of the Year?
Her response evokes outrage from the other women.
Clayton concludes: “I trusted you, I believed you, and it was the worst thing that I could have done.”
Well, there are worse things, Clayton, because fantasy suite footage is coming.
Elizabeth can’t resist asking, “Is there an eject button over there?”
If there were an eject button, the world would have pressed it by episode three.
Jesse wisely pivots the conversation to Clayton’s take on Sarah.
He says her behavior made him question everything. If she was playing a game, maybe some of the other women were, too. “Your actions had ramifications. I’m not saying that that’s what you were trying to do. I truthfully, as I watch it back, I don’t really know.”
She throws the accusation back at him. “It’s ironic that you are questioning if I’m disingenous, because it feels like that’s what you were doing to me.”
She claims she did her best to navigate the drama and fix things, but “it feels like the person constantly putting me back into it and constantly stirring the pot was you.”
She wishes he had made decisions based on their relationship, and not hearsay.
Things go downhill from there.
CryGate
Clayton wants to know why she told the other women that he cried on their first one-on-one date.
“And listen, here’s the thing. Real men cry. I cry. I mean, you guys have seen it. In the previews, I cried plenty of times…Why would you tell the other women I did that when I didn’t?”
Sarah claims that’s incorrect. “I did not say you cried to me.”
There are disbelieving gasps from the other women, especially Genevieve.
Jesse asks Clayton to set the record straight. “You did not cry with Sarah?”
Clayton says he didn’t cry on any of their dates.
Oh good, that’s one more X-file we can close.
The Redemption Arc
Now Jesse tries to rehab Clayton’s character. There’s even a woman in the audience holding a sign: Clayton, hang in there buddy!
Is it cynical to think the producers handed her that sign 30 seconds beforehand?
Jesse asks Clayton how he’s feeling.
Clayton: “I think it’s really good that you guys are holding me accountable. I need that. And while it is tough, I’m happy that we are having these discussions.”
This is where I need Will Ferrell to pop up and say, “I don’t believe you,” in his best Anchorman voice.
Marlena defends him, noting how difficult it is to identify if someone’s toxic or narcissistic. She’s talking about Shanae, but it seems like her words could just as easily apply to Clayton.
She compliments him on managing 30 relationships. “I couldn’t do that, honestly. Hats off to you for navigating it the best way that you could navigate it.”
Yes, let’s give Clayton an award for expert navigation, along with the captains of the Titanic and the Exxon Valdez.
Jesse asks Clayton how it feels to see Serene again. Clayton’s response seems like a well-rehearsed preemptive strike, artfully designed to silence any criticism of him declaring his love for (and sleeping with) multiple women.
Clayton says, “Serene…I played back the way things ended a lot of times in my head, and it really crushed me with the question that you asked. Right before we parted ways, you said, ‘Was it because of what I said?’ And that made me sick to my stomach, because I was holding back my emotions and my feelings, and [not] expressing them towards the women, including you.”
That’s the windup, and here’s the pitch:
“And after you said that, I felt that it was almost as if you felt maybe invalidated in that moment, that, ‘Hey, I gave so much,’ but I didn’t give you that back. And going forward, I, I told myself I am no longer gonna hold back, because I don’t want that next woman questioning what we have because I wasn’t able to open up to them.”
He’s positioning himself as a hero who follows his heart, rather than a cad who sees women as interchangeable playthings. Now I’m the one who feels sick to their stomach.
He apologizes to Serene, telling her she did everything right, and he doesn’t want her to close herself off to future relationships.
He gets applause, instead of the crate of rotten tomatoes he deserves.
Clayton for Gaslighter of the Year?
Serene is gracious. “I don’t want you to be worried about me putting my walls back up, because I, I know that in order to get what I want and find that person for me, I have to keep being vulnerable. But I do appreciate you saying that. It does mean a lot.”
The charm offensive continues, this time from Kira.
She says, “I know you got a lot of criticism today, most of which is really deserved. But, um, but for me actually, watching it back, I saw and came to appreciate a lot of your really good qualities, and I actually found myself like, more and more attracted to you with each episode.”
She continues. “So, I don’t know if you’re engaged, but if you’re not and you’re single, just know I’m single, too.”
Clayton’s delighted. “I respect the boldness.”
I generally try to be more eloquent, but there’s only one response to this blatant PR ploy: Barf.
Unfortunately, brain bleach isn’t a real thing, so we’ll have to make do with bloopers.
Blooper Reel
After the blooper reel, we get some footage of Jesse’s time as the bachelor, on season five.
Jesse starts to tee up the previews, but the women have a few more things to say. Will this night never end?
Sierra tells Clayton that the women are very close, and she’s heard about how messy the ending gets. She says, “I wanna know exactly, you know, who are you to act a certain way and treat these women a certain way and subject them to this kind of behavior of yours? Like, what did they do to deserve it?”
I would nominate Sierra for Bachelorette, but I think she’s too smart for that. Sierra for President!
Clayton: “Again, I couldn’t prep for it. I just had to go into it and react the way that I thought was appropriate. And I understand, again, that what I did, I think it’s important for me, to again, to learn from it and I am learning from it. But it was with no bad intentions. And I had to let my emotions come out and that’s, unfortunately, it wasn’t as straightforward as I’d hoped.”
Teddi: “I am in a unique position where I do know a lot of things. So I think I’ll just leave it at, I hope that you’re okay.”
Jesse thanks everyone. He plugs the upcoming episode (March 8) in Iceland, and then promises an “epic two-night live finale” next week. (Groan. I thought March 8 was the end. Can I make it through three more episodes? Give me strength…)
He says, “How’s it all gonna end? Still don’t know.” Although according to ET Online, he has news that will “change everything.”
There you have it, friends. We made it to the end of WTA.
What do you think of The Women Tell All? Is Clayton a hero or a heel? Is Kira a victim of Stockholm Syndrome? Also, what’s the best remedy for an upset stomach? Leave a comment, or reply to this email, because misery loves company.
Need to catch up? Here’s the episode list:
| Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 |
| Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Free Bingo Cards! |