Hello friends!
Are you ready for Fantasy Suites? Grab your snacks and fizzy beverages, and dig that parka out of your closet, because we’re headed to Iceland.
Iceland
Clayton journeys to Reykjavík, the capital of Iceland, on Icelandair. He’s seated alone, which is a shame—seems like an 12-hour flight would be a good time to have some extra conversations with his final three picks.
“As far as, like, falling in love, I mean, I don’t know if there’s a much better place to do it than Iceland. It’s absolutely beautiful and breathtaking.”
He checks into the Hilton Reykjavik Nordica.
He realizes he’s been holding back, protecting himself, and he hopes the overnights will bring clarity.
“I do have a strong physical connection with each of the three women that are left…I think I might be falling in love with all three of these women, and I also might already be in love with Susie.”
He wonders, “Can you fall in love multiple times, at the same time? I don’t know.”
“But I know it’s time to let my walls down, quit being guarded…I’m done holding back.”
Considering what’s in store, maybe you should have held back, big guy.
Well, This Is Awkward
The three women have arrived, and we get footage of them in a small sitting room. The mood is somber, as if they’re awaiting an IRS audit. Finally Susie breaks the silence. “It’s weird, but I’m happy to see you all.”
Their discomfort is understandable. Emily Post never envisioned three women competing for the same man on national TV, so there aren’t any etiquette rules to guide them.
Jesse saves the day by showing up with a date card, and a speech on the importance of fantasy suites.
He tells them, “The time in that fantasy suite could bring you two closer than you ever thought possible. It could be the difference between you leaving here alone, or leaving Iceland with Clayton.”
Thanks for that explanation, Captain Obvious.
Rachel gets the first date, and the card says, “Let’s see how deep our love can go.”
She leaves to prepare for the date, and we get footage of Susie sharing her thoughts on intimacy with a producer. “I don’t know how Clayton feels about these other women, but in my head, it’s me at the end of this with Clayton.”
Susie’s picturing getting engaged and having children with Clayton, and she hopes he takes physical intimacy as seriously as she does.
“Sex is incredibly important in a relationship, but it’s something that I only do with people that I have some form of commitment with. If I find out that he’s falling in love with other women, or that he has become physically intimate with another woman, that would be devastating.”
Remember that gorgeous red dress Susie got in Vienna? It works well as a flag, too.
Rachel vs. the Volcano
An SUV delivers Rachel to an open field, where Clayton is waiting. They execute the standard jump and hug greeting, and then he leads her to a helicopter.
They enjoy the view, and some smooching, and then they land near the dormant Thrihnukagigur volcano. CNN calls it “one of twenty places in the world you must see before you die.” Or have your heart shattered into a million pieces, but that doesn’t make for good marketing material.
They climb into a metal lift, so they can be lowered inside the crater for a tour. The bottom is 400 feet down. Clayton says, “This seems pretty secure,” but I’m not sure if he’s trying to reassure Rachel or himself, since he’s not exactly fond of heights.
“When it comes to Rachel, I, I realized that I was holding back ‘cause I was just protecting myself. I have to start going deeper with our relationship, and that’s what today is about, no matter how scary it is.”
They have a nice chat at the bottom, but Rachel is still waiting for Clayton to open up. “My hopes are that I can get what I need to move forward into fantasy suites. If I don’t, I’m really worried that our relationship, it’s not meant to be.”
Back at the hotel, Gabby and Susie are discussing fantasy suites.
Gabby thinks Rachel and Clayton will accept the invitation to spend time together alone, and she’s okay with that. “I want the person I’m gonna be with to explore other relationships, and to on purpose choose me. Like, I want him to be able to explore everything. Like, I really do. Like, truly getting to know us, inside and out, just to see what it feels like. I’m like, ‘do it.’”
Susie sees things differently. “I didn’t even really, like, comprehend the gravity of it until this second. I don’t know if he can fall in love with multiple people at once.”
Are they absolutely sure that volcano is dormant? Because I think Reykjavík is about to be covered in lava and ash.
Rachel’s Fantasy Suite
Rachel and Clayton meet at Perlan for dinner.
She wants to know how he feels, and he finally gives her the reassurance she’s been seeking. “I was kind of holding onto it. So, I’ll just come out and say, like, I’m falling in love with you.”
He continues, “I realize that I have been feeling this way for probably a couple weeks, if not more. But part of me was scared, because I hadn’t felt those feelings for over five or six years, since my last relationship. So thank you for being patient with me.”
Rachel is delighted to hear that he returns her feelings. “It just feels like I’m dreaming.”
They kiss, and he presents her with the fantasy suite invitation.
Clayton and Rachel,
From high in the sky to far beneath the ground, your day has been nothing short of breathtaking. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the Fantasy Suite.
Jesse
Rachel tells him he has surpassed her expectations. “And I feel very confident that we should definitely stay tonight together.”
She tells a producer, “I feel like I have searched my whole life to feel this way. It feels amazing, and almost too good to be true. I don’t think it’s a question in either of our minds that we’re going to be physically, you know, very intimate. The fantasy suite will change everything.”
You know what they say about things that seem too good to be true…
They retire to the fantasy suite, where they share a dessert and drinks. They move to the bedroom, and over footage of them kissing on the bed we get a voiceover from Susie.
She says, “I’m not making any assumptions at this point. But if Clayton thinks that it’s me at the end of this, and then proceeds to sleep with another woman, like, anyways, I would have a really hard time moving forward with him.”
Yikes!
This episode is getting hard to watch. It’s a speeding train carrying a load of flaming dumpsters filled with bat guano, and it’s headed straight toward an erupting volcano.
The Morning After
It’s getting harder to be supportive, but Gabby and Susie make the attempt. Susie is definitely struggling. “I don’t know what happened last night. Like, obviously, their relationship probably reached new levels.”
Rachel comes back from her date and she’s clearly happy. “I know this is really awkward, and I respect you guys so much. I’m really sorry, in advance.”
She doesn’t mention what she feels sorry for, and Susie seems taken aback. Rachel says, “I think it’s just going to be a tough week for all of us, having to, you know, see all of us come home, because it is a, it’s a big night. But yeah, it was nice.”
Susie sits down with a producer, and she’s tearful. “I haven’t ever met someone like Clayton. I do have, like, you know, high hopes, but right now it just feels like, too good to be true, you know?”
Gabby’s Date
Gabby’s hoping for a nice Icelandic cruise with strawberries and champagne.
Instead, an SUV drops her off at a barren field near the ocean, and drives away. She’s standing there, alone, all bundled up. Poor Gabby!
Finally Clayton arrives in a dune buggy, and they set off to explore the black sand beach.
“I trust Clayton with my heart, but not so much when it comes to this dune buggy.”
Afterward, they go to a cafe and chat about hometowns, and the future.
Gabby says, “I know that I could end up, like, heartbroken, and that’s scary as hell to think about. But like, I trust you, and if I do end up at the end, I don’t want it to be because you didn’t explore your options, you know. Like, I want it to be because you did, and with that, like, you chose me.”
Gabby, you definitely deserve to be chosen.
Gabby’s Fantasy Suite
Gabby and Clayton go to dinner, and she’s hoping to hear that he loves her, too.
Clayton doesn’t disappoint. “I’ve realized that, like, you know, I’m falling in love with you. I am—I really am.”
In footage from episode 8, Clayton said that he hadn’t told any of the women that he loves them, because “saying the words holds a lot of weight.” Interesting, because now he’s a Chatty Cathy doll programmed to spit out nothing but declarations of love.
He presents the fantasy suite invitation, and she accepts.
They’re staying in a geodesic dome with sheepskin blankets, a fireplace, and a hot tub, and she finally gets her strawberries and champagne.
Gabby is thrilled. “It’s amazing to hear Clayton is falling in love with me, especially on a night that we get some time alone. It feels so right, like, it feels like we’re in the right place at the right time, and opening a new door to our relationship. We’re just connecting on, like, a whole new level.”
Cut to the hotel, where Susie is walking down a spiral staircase, and she tells us she’s spiraling emotionally. Props to the metaphor crew, but we really didn’t need the visual—Susie’s discomfort is obvious. “I just feel sad, ‘cause I feel like it’s ending.”
The Morning After
The next day, Clayton tells Gabby that falling in love with her is effortless.
If he were a professional wrestler, his entry song would be “Addicted to Love.”
Back at his hotel, awareness is beginning to creep in. “Last night, it felt like a dream—the whole night did, the morning did. And then, all of a sudden, everything came crashing back in. I’ve now realized I’ve told two women I’m in love with them. I also know that I could feel that way with Susie. And so now, a thousand percent, I’m going to absolutely shatter somebody.”
“Like, I just don’t want to hurt anybody. And I’m going to.”
Susie’s Date
Finally it’s Susie’s turn, and she and Clayton have a spa day.
He’s confused about his feelings, and she’s “in a dark place.” Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a spa treatment for that.
When they meet, it’s incredibly windy outside. Even Mother Nature knows what’s coming, and she’s not having it. He says “do the jump,” and she refuses. Instead he has to settle for a hug.
Get used to disappointment, Clayton.
It begins to hail, and she asks, “What’s happening here?”
We all feel you, Susie. We’ve been asking that for several episodes now.
They visit Sky Lagoon, which features an oceanside geothermal lagoon. Their 7-step ritual involves cooling off first in the Cold Mist room, then into the sauna, followed by a trip to the Cold Plunge pool.
It’s a bewildering mix of hot and cold, just like Clayton’s emotions.
That’s followed by a body scrub, which is much more fun, a steamy shower, more sauna time, and a frolic in the outdoor lagoon.
Naturally, there’s lots of kissyface.
Miraculously, the date leaves Susie feeling hopeful. “At this point, I’m so all in with Clayton.”
Clayton tells a producer, “My love for her is on another level. I have every intention of telling Susie tonight that I’m in love with her. The expectations are through the roof tonight.”
The Dinner Date
The Northern Lights are dancing above as Clayton and Susie meet for dinner.
Susie still has questions. “I know how I feel about him, but I don’t know where he is with everybody else. And I know what I’m not willing to compromise on.”
Clayton talks about meeting Susie at the clock tower in Croatia, and her admission that she was falling in love. “It was like, one of the happiest moments I’ve had in a long time.”
He’s had a lot of time to think since then. “The more I thought about it, I realized…that night, I was also falling in love with you.”
He continues, “Since that point, like, it’s no longer about me falling in love with you. Like, I am in love with you.”
Clayton for the trifecta.
Susie appreciates the sentiment. “Like, you know how I feel. I adore you.” But she doesn’t want to compromise, and she needs to share her expectations.
She wants to know if he’s in love with somebody else, or if he’s slept with another woman. If so, it would be “impossible to move forward towards an engagement.”
Clayton stammers his way through an explanation. He thought she told him to explore other relationships, that she didn’t want to just be the default choice at the end. I’m guessing she wanted him to explore with his heart and his mind, and not his body parts. Pro tip: Communication is key.
“To answer your question, yes. Like, I have slept with someone else here, and yes, I’ve expressed feelings towards someone else of falling in love.”
This is where Homer Simpson would break in with “Doh!”
Susie says, “If you feel like you’re in love with me, like, it doesn’t make sense to me to sleep with somebody else.”
Clayton starts the justification tap dance. “Where I stand, there’s different feelings for different people. It’s…with you I feel way different than I feel with somebody else. And I can promise you, that it’s very special where we’re at.”
Clayton’s like the bouncer at an exclusive party. Some people are general admission, and some are VIPs. I may have slept with those other women, but it’s okay—I love you the most.
Susie thinks that if he had feelings for her, he should have protected her and their relationship.
Clayton says he has very strong feelings for her, and he doesn’t want her to walk away. “To hear you say, like, you don’t know if you can continue forward…that’s the worst thing I could have heard.”
I think the worst thing would be hearing that there are three angry fathers waiting for him with baseball bats.
Susie never wanted to limit his experience or give him an ultimatum, but she doesn’t think she can move past his actions.
Clayton claims he would have done things differently, if he’d known how she felt. “I mean, I’m sorry that I went and did that…I ask for your forgiveness, because I don’t want to throw something away that we have that I feel so sure about…I would hope that, like, what we have is something that’s worth fighting for.”
What exactly do you have, Clayton? Over the course of filming, the women who make it to the finale have only spent about three days with the lead.
Susie’s fear in telling him to explore other relationships is that she never wanted to have to share his heart.
Clayton says, “A relationship isn’t easy, and there are times where you have—you go through those challenging times and it’s like, is it worth fighting for?”
He continues, “Let’s work through it. Like, that’s what a relationship is. It’s working through the hard times.”
I don’t know, Dr. Phil. If the “hard times” involve professing your love to two other women in rapid succession, then this relationship might be beyond repair.
She’s confused, but he wants to talk it out.
The Dinner Date From Hell Continues
At first Clayton admits to sleeping with one woman, and then clarifies that it was both women, but it was because he was in love.
“If you were in love with somebody, you would explore that. It wasn’t like I was just sleeping with somebody because I’m like, they’re here, so I’m just gonna sleep with them.”
Now Clayton starts to make it all about him. Susie’s feelings are irrelevant, because he’s the real victim here.
“So I, me sleeping with, like, with [pause] both was because I’ve somehow fallen in love with three women, and it makes zero sense to me…and I freaked out, and I cried about it, because I was like, I’m gonna hurt somebody, and like, this scares me.”
He kept on, though, because “…I’m finding what I’m looking for here, and if I just continue to press forward with the relationships I have, like, I will walk out of here with one person, because they were the best person for me.”
Apparently he never considered that he might not be the best person for them.
“I’m a week out, and this, this is shattering me.”
He can’t understand why Susie didn’t tell him about her expectations earlier, and why she can’t forgive him. “How can you do that, like, after everything we’ve been through?”
He’s definitely angry with her, like a child who’s been denied a favorite toy.
Despite his arguments, Susie still can’t see a happy ending. She’s confused, and she doesn’t know what to think. She says, “I can’t,” and walks away from the table.
She’s outside crying, with one of the producers. “I don’t know what to do.”
Clayton stews for a while, and then he storms out. “This is exactly what I was afraid of. I don’t believe in anything anymore. It’s just, it’s everything, everything is literally invalidated.”
If there were a fence, he would jump it, Colton-style.
The End of the Road
Jesse shows up, and Clayton vents. “She’s just torn me apart.”
Susie asks if he’d like to go back inside. She says she’s heard his perspective, and she feels awful. “…I probably should have, like, had that conversation just about maybe, you know, like, what sex means to me earlier on, but I didn’t know that you were feeling so strongly.”
She doesn’t feel she can leave with Clayton, and she doesn’t know what to do.
He reacts with anger. “You made your mind up.”
She’s still crying, and feels like she messed everything up.
The dynamic continues of a tearful Susie taking responsibility for everything, and an angry Clayton refusing to admit any failure on his part.
He walks her to the SUV that has magically appeared. Well, actually, he walks several paces ahead, because he’s not the gentleman he claims to be.
He says, “This is the last thing I’ll say. Because of my faith, I believe everything happens for a reason. And I’m just gonna take that and move forward in my life and realize that, like, I had to go through this. So at some point I’ll end up finding somebody that actually will stick through it and will understand me for who I am and will fight for me as much as I fight for them. And I thought you were that person. You’re not that person. And like, this is how it’s supposed to end, and I’m done. I’m done.”
In the car, Susie says she’s surprised Clayton didn’t show her more compassion. “Regardless of what kind of love, at this point, I just thought, like, we would have been better at getting through that conversation kindly.”
#TeamSusie.
Previews of the Coming Apocalypse
Jesse’s voiceover announces, “Next week, on The Bachelor, the crazy drama begins.”
You mean, it gets worse?
There are only two more episodes, and I intend to finish what I started. If you’re brave enough, join me, because I need the moral support.
If you’d like to watch something more upbeat, I’ve started recapping The Courtship; check out Episode 1.
Cheers!
Past Episodes
Need to catch up? Here’s the episode list:
| Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 |
| Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Free Bingo Cards! |