The Bachelor Episode 3
Baywatch meets The Bachelor + Van Gogh + Shrimpy Shenanigans!
Welcome back!
Quick Recap
Last week was Villain City, with Cassidy neglecting children and Shanae mocking Elizabeth’s ADHD. The episode ended on a cliffhanger (oh my!), with Clayton asking if he can repossess Cassidy’s rose. Cassidy isn’t just a villain, allegedly she’s a two-timing villain! Read all the Episode 2 details here.
I also created free Bachelor Bingo cards just for you, dear readers. Check them out here.
Need to catch up? Here’s the episode list:
| Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 |
| Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Free Bingo Cards! |
Current Scoreboard: 22 ladies, with 2 villains in the mix.
Clayton vs. Cassidy
Clayton confronts Cassidy about her “friends with benefits” situation, and she claims she hasn’t dated anyone since 2019. He continues to question her, and she admits to having a friend who “does not want a relationship.” Clayton walks away, and Cassidy storms off, crying.
While Shanae defends her, the other women feel that Cassidy isn’t here for Clayton. (On your bingo card that qualifies as “not here for the right reasons,” so drink!)
Clayton and Cassidy resume their conversation. Clayton shares that one of his biggest fears is “falling for somebody that wasn’t here for the right reasons.” Another direct hit on the bingo card, so drink again! Maybe consider switching to sparkling cider, because it’s going to be a long episode…
Despite Cassidy’s waterfall of tears, Clayton walks her to a waiting limo.
Kate: “The wicked witch is gone.”
Kira: “I think that there will be a lot more peace in the house now.”
Oh sweet, misguided, Kira. Your prediction of peace means that we’ll be getting anything but. Shanae is still around, and she’s probably frantically underlining her favorite passages in Evildoing for Dummies right this moment.
Current Scoreboard: 21 ladies remaining, 1 villain.
The Rose Ceremony (#2)
Clayton announces his dismissal of Cassidy, as if the ladies weren’t practically hanging out the windows of the mansion watching it happen just minutes before.
As he hands out roses, many of the women are concerned that they haven’t had enough time with him. Shanae and Elizabeth are standing next to each other, beaming evil thoughts at each other with their minds. They’re also worried about being sent home, but that’s not going to happen tonight. Clearly they are being set up for the dreaded two-on-one date sometime in the near future.
The final two roses go to Elizabeth and Shanae, and then it’s time to say goodbyes.
Going home: Ency, the sales manager; Kate, the real estate agent (who might just pop up on “Selling Sunset” one day); and Tessa, the HR specialist.
Current Scoreboard: 18 ladies remaining, 1 villain.
A Brand-New Day
A new day dawns, and Jesse appears. He urges the women to take advantage of their time with Clayton, and announces there will be two group dates plus a one-on-one date this week. The mood is light and hopeful, but tropical storm Shanae is bound to make landfall any minute.
He delivers the first date card, for Serene, Susie, Eliza, Mara, Marlena, Hunter, Genevieve, and Jill. “I see you. Love, Clayton.”
Group Date #1: Let’s Get Vulnerable
The women meet Clayton at a theater, for a date that will “require some vulnerability.” It’s time to dive in deeper and get to the next level, and he hopes the women will go all-in.
A special guest appears: Kaitlyn Bristowe, a former bachelorette. (Drink!)
She’s going to read off statements, and she wants the ladies to stand up if they feel the statement applies to them.
Stand up if…
“There are parts of yourself that you’re not proud of.” (All stand, including Clayton.)
Clayton regrets putting up walls in the past, in order to avoid getting hurt.
Genevieve talks about sabotaging prior relationships.
Hunter tried to change herself to please an ex-boyfriend who compared her to other girls. She worked out trying to achieve a body type that was unrealistic for her, she changed her eye color with contacts, and dyed her hair. In the end he cheated on her, causing her to further question her worth.
Her story brings out anger in Clayton, and evokes tears from Serene.
Serene has struggled with body image. Her slight frame caused people to think she might be anorexic, prompting her to overeat to win their approval.
The other women share their stories also. Eliza has insecurities, Mara was bullied at school and by her stepsisters, and Marlena has struggled due to racial issues. “Just being a woman of color, having to be ten times better just to be seen and just to be heard, has been a lot for me.”
Clayton talks about comparing himself to his friends growing up, pinching his stomach and feeling fat. “Now that I love myself for who I am, I can pour out that to everyone else around me.”
Susie is impressed by his vulnerability; she’s never heard a man discuss issues with body image before.
Kaitlyn ends the session by having everyone take a deep breath, and Clayton pronounces it the best date so far.
Okay, this is why I can’t quit “The Bachelor.” In the middle of all the catfights, whining, and ridiculous scripted drama, occasionally something meaningful and authentic appears. I promise we’ll get back to snark and sarcasm soon, but can we all take a beat to give ourselves a virtual hug and enjoy the moment?
“In the middle of all the catfights, whining, and ridiculous scripted drama, occasionally something meaningful and authentic appears.”
The Afterparty
The group date segues into the evening portion, and Clayton leads the women into a building and through a giant door that looks like it belongs to a bank vault. (What, no visit to Big Daddy’s Antiques this time?)
Serene and Clayton chat, and indulge in some kissyface. He chats with Susie, displays his signature move (hand on her upper thigh), and shocker…there’s more kissing.
Cut to the mansion, where another date card has arrived. It’s a one-on-one date for Sarah. “Falling in love is full of surprises. Love, Clayton.”
Several women voice how happy they are for Sarah, which puzzles Shanae. “Are you here to make besties, or are you here to find love? Everyone’s always celebrating everyone. I don’t get it.”
Back to the group date. Eliza and Clayton are standing in front of a mirror while she compliments him, and then…wait for it…there’s kissing.
He chats with Marlena, Genevieve, and Mara, and then it’s time for the group date rose, which goes to Eliza.
Sarah’s One-on-One Date
Sarah runs at Clayton and greets him with the Jump & Hug. (Drink!)
Clayton is wearing pink shorts, so clearly he’s secure in his masculinity. He leads her to the second special guest of this episode: Becca Kufrin, another former bachelorette. (Drink!)
The activity she has planned for them: A scavenger hunt around Los Angeles, wearing just their skivvies.
They strip down, and they both happen to be wearing black underwear. Hmmm…this wasn’t pre-planned at all.
They break open heart-shaped pinatas which hold various challenges. We’re rewarded with some awkward dancing and some truly terrible singing, followed by a kissing session.
Cut to the mansion, where Elizabeth has made shrimp for everyone. Shanae loads her plate with half the shrimp, and then decides to make amends by preparing more shrimp. She’s annoying, so instead of dwelling on her, let’s watch Bubba from “Forrest Gump” describe the many ways you can prepare shrimp:
Back to Sarah and Clayton.
They’ve finished their scavenger hunt, and now they’re dressed for a night on the town. Their “dinner” date, where they won’t actually eat anything, is set up in the middle of the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit.
They have a nice discussion, where Sarah talks about her heritage (she is Vietnamese, French & Irish), and her struggles with being adopted. She’s gorgeous, he’s gorgeous, can’t we just skip the drama and name her the winner? No?
Fine, have it your way…
Back to the mansion, where a group date card has arrived for Gabby, Rachel, Kira, Melina, Lyndsey, Sierra, Teddi, Elizabeth, and Shanae. “Love’s a beach. Love, Clayton.”
Back to Sarah and Clayton. She accepts his offer of a rose, and then they enjoy a private concert from a string quartet. (Drink!) They embrace as Van Gogh’s art swirls around them, and the effect is stunning. Sarah dubs it the most romantic moment of her life, and naturally, there’s more kissing.
Group Date #2: Cue the Skimpy Swimsuits!
The women run across the sand to greet Clayton. (What, no Jump & Hug?)
Melina sums up the afternoon before it even starts: “We’re gonna get wet. We’re gonna get dirty. We’re gonna get sandy and be randy.”
They start with a game of football, when suddenly…another special guest appears! (Drink!)
It’s Nicole Eggert, from “Baywatch.” She’s here to teach the ladies how to be lifeguards, as soon as they don the show’s trademark red swimsuits.
The first lesson? Slathering each other with sunscreen.
The next lesson is administering CPR to a dummy.
Finally, she teaches them the iconic slow-motion run across the beach.
Gabby impresses Nicole the most, so she wins extra time with Clayton. They scamper off for champagne and smooches, while Shanae does a slow burn.
Clifton’s Cabinet of Curiosities
Part two of the group date takes place at Clifton’s Cabinet of Curiosities.
We don’t get an explanation of who Clifton is, or what’s in his cabinet. Maybe the mulched remains of a million group date roses, or scarecrows made from Chris Harrison’s old suits?
Rachel and Clayton chat, and he tells her they have a phenomenal connection. It’s not long before his hand is “connected” to her upper thigh, and the kiss they share is extra steamy.
It’s Gabby’s turn, and Clayton compliments her “quirkiness.” She wants him to know she has layers, and one of those layers is concerned about the sunburn he picked up that afternoon. She has him take off his shirt so she can massage his skin with oil. I hope there aren’t any small children watching, because this is starting to look like a late-night Cinemax feature.
Clayton discovers he has a strong connection with Gabby too, and I’m certain this won’t end well.
I said this on Day 1 but it bears repeating:
“I think becoming the bachelor so you can find a wife is like moving into a bakery so you can eat low-carb. You are doomed to fail.”
Speaking of being doomed, here comes Shanae.
She uses her time with Clayton to throw Elizabeth under the bus again. He briefly acknowledges her concerns, advises her not to be too in her head about it, and cuts straight to kissyface.
Shanae is confident and ready to claim victory: “I have him!”
Clayton addresses Shanae’s concerns with Elizabeth, because apparently his head is stuffed full of sand from today’s beach adventures and he has lost the ability to form independent thoughts.
I’d like to say that that something intelligent and productive follows, but that would be a lie.
Somehow Shanae finds time to throw Lyndsey under the bus as well, and the women erupt into a heated discussion worthy of a “Real Housewives” episode. Clayton is absent while this happens; maybe he’s been stuffed into Clifton’s cabinet.
Clayton reappears and offers the group date rose to Gabby. Then he promises to address the Shanae/Elizabeth/Lyndsey conflict the next day, which hopefully means the two-on-one date is coming and Shanae will get the boot.
The teaser for next week’s episode promises more conflict, more Shanae, and oddly enough, more shrimp.
I’ll watch all of it and share it with you, so please think positive thoughts for my mental health. See you next week!