Hello friends!
It’s time for more Regency romance, so settle in with some macarons and champagne. This episode is delicious!
The Chatter Over Chapman
The castle’s still reeling after Captain Kim’s dramatic departure, and Mr. Chapman is the talk of the ton.
Nicole tells Danie and Tessa that she and Mr. Chapman spent some time together after the bacchanal. “And we connected, quite a bit…That was supposed to be something private, between Lincoln and myself.”
She tells the camera, “I’m falling for him, no doubt.”
Over at the suitors’ cottage, Mr. Chapman chomps on a plum and invites the other suitors to tell him if they disagree with his actions.
Mr. Mumbray says, “Everything obviously went a bit south. We were just like, ‘What the hell is going on?’” He tells the camera, “I do believe Lincoln has an incredibly deep connection with Nicole. If she wants to be intimate with someone, that’s got to be accepted.”
Mr. Hunter doesn’t think Captain Kim had any bad intentions, and Mr. Cones says the competition’s entering “hot waters.” Mr. Bochicchio doesn’t want to hear about Nicole with anyone else. “Because it’s like a gut punch.”
Before we move on, I have the results of last week’s survey.
Ye Olde Twitter Poll
Mr. Chapman voted for Nerf guns, but the ton clearly prefers Judge Judy. Does anybody have her number?
The Daily Tea
The Daily Tea arrives, announcing a masquerade ball. “But who will be unmasked? The night promises to be quite revealing.”
The suitors try to unravel the mystery. Will it be an ex-boyfriend, a new suitor, or yet another family member?
Quelle intrigue!
Don’t miss out! Join the Courtship Club and get free weekly updates, because I can’t eat all these bonbons alone:
The Masquerade Ball
Ms. Rémy enters in a fabulous gown, to the tune of Ariana Grande’s “Dangerous Woman,” and the suitors are blown away. Mr. Chapman describes her as “Actual Cinderella.” (The closed captions on my TV set interpreted that as “I’m still Cinderella,” which would be a completely different show…)
Nicole delivers the classic reality-romance line: “I feel like my husband’s in this room.”
She has her first dance with Mr. Holland, who has thus far evaded the Farewell Dance card. He tells her she’s special, and “I want your heart to skip a beat when…you see me.”
She dances with Mr. Chapman. He wants to see more sunsets with her, and she says, “I would love to spend many of those skies with you, Mr. Chapman. I get lost in those blue steel eyes every time.”
Okay, I have a few questions. Mr. Chapman is doing something weird with his mouth here—is he still chewing on a plum? Also, when Nicole mentions his “blue steel” eyes, is she making a sly reference to Ben Stiller’s signature look in Zoolander? (Chapman is, after all, a model.)
There’s no time to ponder these mysteries, because the evening’s surprise has arrived.
A New Suitor: Miles Nazaire
Holy Harlequin Romance!
The new arrival is half English, half French, and 100 percent trouble.
He’s also fluent in the language of love, so he greets Nicole with “Bonsoir, Mademoiselle.”
While she’s swooning, the other suitors are fuming. They aren’t happy about the extra competition, especially Mr. Mumbray. The two men know each other socially, and he says Miles has a history of stealing girlfriends. (He also has a history with reality TV. He appeared on Season 15 of Made in Chelsea, and he was the resident bad boy.)
There are two sides to every story, of course, and Mr. Nazaire offers the camera this explanation: “The boys get annoyed because their girlfriends end up liking me. And I always tell them, ‘That’s not my problem. That sounds like a you problem.’”
He dances with Nicole and they share a kiss, which generates shocked reactions from the court and drives Mr. Cones to drink. "Of course, the heavens had to send beautiful British-French dude, and I am looking for the closest glass of gin and tonic right now."
Other highlights of the masquerade ball include Mr. Bochicchio trying to repair his relationship with Dom (“I’m into your sister”), insisting he’s ready to propose, and doing his own version of French: “F*** outta here!”
The Great British Cake-Off
The next day, Mr. Mumbray decides to woo Nicole by whipping up his favorite dessert, a lemon drizzle cake.
The cake’s a big hit, and he makes a good impression on Dom. His plan to have time alone with Nicole is derailed, however, when Mr. Nazaire shows up with gifts for everyone and an even fancier confection.
Nazaire asks Nicole to accompany him on a date and she accepts, leaving Mr. Mumbray to console himself with carbs. “I’m gonna eat some more cake.”
Last Call
On their date, Mr. Nazaire helps Nicole infuse gin with delightful additions like lavender, and they enjoy a cocktail. (I hope they saved some gin for Mr. Cones.)
She asks, “What does love look like to you?” He tells her he broke up with his first love because their relationship was driving a wedge between him and his family, but now he Facetimes his mother five times a day. (Yikes!)
He leaves out the fact that he’s an Instagram influencer with 277,000 followers, and he spends a lot of time showing off his abs and looking pensive. Apparently love = like + subscribe.
Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch
The other suitors are taking out their frustrations on an innocent punching bag, while Mr. Bochicchio hatches a plan to see Nicole.
He arranges to meet her at the fountain, and she greets him by running and jumping into his arms. He gets the 411 on her life: She’s a morning person. She likes hot decaf cappuccinos. She lives alone in a two-bedroom, two-bathroom townhouse in Seattle. (Clearly she realizes she’s speaking to a real estage agent.)
She find him funny and flirty, and he tells the camera, “I’m feeling like I just saw a girl that I could see a future with.”
The Farewell Dance
The three suitors on her dance card are Mr. Nazaire, Mr. Judge, and Mr. Holland.
She tells Mr. Holland she wants to return his feelings, and she tells Mr. Judge she wants to feel the same energy they had at the last dance.
With both suitors, she takes a long pause and it appears their journey may be ending. Then she switches course at the last moment, and retains them.
That leaves Mr. Nazaire, so he’s probably going home.
She appreciates his boldness. He wants more time to “prove to you what love really is.” He switches to French: “I’d love to see you more…all the time…writing you letters…to have a romantic story together, to have a nice little family, to kiss you, and to show you the man that I am.”
When she asks what that meant, he replies, “If you keep me, you’ll find out.”
She’s not sure she has the emotional capacity for another connection, then says, “Maybe there’s room.”
For the first time ever, there’s a farewell dance where nobody says farewell.
Previews
In episode eight the parents finally return, Mr. Cones commits a faux pas at dinner, and Dr. Rémy displays her skill at skeet shooting.
Will Nicole actually send someone packing? Will her parents find out about the bacchanal and Mr. Chapman? Will Captain Kim resurface for a session with Judge Judy?
Join me next weekend to find out!
Cheers!
P.S. If you read the Suitor Analysis where I compared the men to classic boyfriend tropes, you may want to take a second look. Mr. Nazaire has now been added to the mix.
Need to catch up? here’s the list: | Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Secret Love Letters | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Suitor Analysis | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 |